. . . e a s t e r    m o n d a y

 happy easter chickydudes n chickettes!! ^_^ it's def. a happy easter for me!! :P  i've just come back from what i reckon was the worst couple of weeks of my life.. but i guess it wasn't really..  things just feel so dramatic in the moment :P.. especially for me coz im such an emotional person ;)  anyway like right after i wrote this blog about him me n my baby splitted up :'( n my world fell apart in a way i coudnt have ever imagined.. like i did have a life before me and him.. so i thought it would just be a lil bit more empty without him..  ok so i knew it was gonna be a WHOLE lot more empty without him but i didn't think i wouldn't even hav e a life to speak of without him :( but we're back!! :P and better than ever if i may add :P  and ive never been so happy or so fulfilled or so excited with life as right now.. i just wanna freeze everything in this moment and just live it forever. . . i love you curt

. . . w e d n e s d a y april 5

thought i'd actually use one of my tables for once :P i luv this piccy ^_^ like emo'y n fantasy all rolled in one delicious lookin guy :) ok  . so he's a cartoon . . :/

 . . lol moving on ;)  this is just gonna be like a really long and boring bitchfest so.. yeah.. you know you've got better stuff to do ;) so... off you go. . . :)  

... mmhmm im in a weird mood :) i just soo need to write all this down coz so much is going through my mind i need to upload it off someplace :P (upload?) is that the word. . .  :P don't u just upload pics? :/ lol i think i;ve been going on the net too much... :\ . .i was just trying to start an essay (due in like 2 hours :/) and i haven't written one in like a year and it was soo hard to express myself without using smileys!! :P must be all that texting. . . kids these days eh.. *tsk tsk tsk* :P

. . anyways like so much has happened today and i feel like my whole outlook on life has almost changed in a way :) iono if a smiley face is really appropraite coz im def. not feeling in a very smiley mood :P . .  . .

. . i almost lost my life today :( not my physical life; my life, like the spark in me :) my reason for living, coz there  wouldn't be a life in me if i lost him. this is all gonna get all lovey dovey n gay so you guys can stop here if for some reason you came down here :/

ima make you read this once ive written this sexybutt :) i know it's stupid but iono.. its my version of a love letter :P i just gotta put it here coz i want the  whole world to know how i feel about you :)
curtis :P ma currt ^_^ i love talking about you... i love showing you off when we do things with ppl.. :) i love all the little things you do, i love how you always let me win in that car racin game and always deny it :P i love how u pick the cheesiest n biggest slice of pizza n give it to me n then u take urs. . :) i love how you put your jacket over me when your the one who'se cold, i love how you open doors for me, reach for things for me...
i love how much passion you give me...how upset i get when we fight, i love that i care so much, in a way i couldn't ever imagine caring about someone else... someone that could hurt me so easily, coz he has my everything, my hopes and dreams, and all my future plans.. resting on him :)  i love that your making me cry just writing this, and jus how gay your making me sound right now ^_^ coz i never thought id be that girl, the one so madly in love she wouldn't know wtfs going on around her, the one with the stupid smile on her face when she's daydreaming in class :P . .

 i love you :) baby i love your accent, not just the canadianness but the way you say things, the way you clear your throaght... . .the deepness of your voice, the sexy whispers on the phone every night :) the sweet nothings you say to me that i replay over n over again in my head when your not around. . .
ur the reason im feeling this way.. the reason why my heart's still sore from getting ripped out just this morning.. when i thought i lost you :( ur the reason i get up with a smile every morning, y i feel so safe just knowing that no matter what i do and no matter how much i mess things up  . .  theres always gonna be that someone that's gonna be there for me, and love me. . . no matter what :)  .   unconditional love they call it  :P

. .i was gonna write about our fight, the biggest one ever, the one that tore my world down, when u came n stuck it back together with your words :( was gonna write about how much i regret it, how much i swear to u i'll never say things like that ever again. never say i hate you, never leave without telling you how much i love you. . i thought i'd say i regret it... but i dont :) its made us stronger and we both know it. . . .
and i know u'd have that look on ur face while your readin this ^_^ wondering y i'm doing this :) why i can't say these things to your face... wonderin y the fuck im not doing my essay :P
. .uno... the look u do :P kinda serious but so fuckin sexyyy :) like sorta concentratingly :) like how you do when your lookin off in the distance all quiet. .  . .and when i ask you what your thinking about you always say '........nothing' . . lol your such a guy :) and i love that.... i love your spider squishing bottle opening yummeh wanderin tough but ohso gentle hand ^_^ . .n ur cotton candy lips ^_^ n .. . lol k ill stop now i know you hate when i go on about your royal sexyness :P
. . back to the feeling of life that u gimme :P that feelin that gives me the courage to take risks, n to do what i reckon's right even though it never is :) n to love myself :P i've probably gotten so up myself since we fell in love curt, coz just the fact that someone like you would be with me like that, and give all of yourself to me, so openly and innocently :). . makes me feel pretty dam special :P like... i must be... you know you could get ay girl you want// you know how unreasonably jealous i get when they flirt with u :(. . i'm so in love with us :) with our relationship... with the fact that even if we have the most horrible breakup like tomorro, i won't ever regret it, . .i wont ever say i knew all along he wasn't being honest, i'd say i loved him, n he loved me, n what we had for while we had it was worth all the pain that came when it was over :). . im only saying this because nothing lasts forever.. i'm not that good of a person, i don't do charity work or pray or go to church, so my lucks got to run out eventually, i don't deserve to have you in my life for the rest of my life  . it just wouldn't make sense :) i wouldnt ever feel any pain ever again. . . so nothing last forever.. but together till it ends ;) to quote kylie minogue in some song i don't remember what :P

. . i love you . . is basically the whole jist of it ;) . .